Full as a Tick on a Hound Dog

Ever heard of the “Home of the Throwed Rolls”?  If you travel on the highway in any direction in or out of Sikeston, MO, you are bound to see the signs for Lambert’s Cafe.  Lambert’s is a Sikeston tradition that started when Earl Lambert opened a tiny cafe 70 years ago.  His son, Norman (who just happened to be Larry’s football coach), used spur-of-the-moment marketing and a roving reporter to grow the cafe into a big-time restaurant.  The story goes that a TV crew roaming the country for interesting stories stopped in at Lambert’s for a bite to eat.  Norm was doing magic tricks and with an eye toward Hollywood, hollered “Home of the Throwed Rolls!” and tossed one of those piping hot bad boys to an unsuspecting customer.  The crew busted out their cameras and the story they produced was a big hit.  A tradition was born.

Scanning the menu, a hungry diner can find all sorts of comfort food, from fried chicken to meatloaf to pig jowl.  More about the pig jowl in a minute.  I decided to eat strategically because before I even placed my order I had woofed down two rolls and a half pound of fried okra “pass arounds.”  Pass arounds are free sides that come in addition to a heaping portion of whatever you order.  I ordered chicken and dumplings, light and homey.  Larry ordered hamburger steak with gravy, which translated to a half a side of beef with a gallon of gravy.  He suffered all night.  He didn’t think strategically.

Pig Jowl.  This is not an item that I saw on the menus of the tony restaurants we sometimes frequented in southern California.  I am familiar with jowl, as mine are growing more and more with each handful of fried okra I consume. Pig jowl, apparently, is a delicacy and a classic at Lambert’s.  My pal, Don, loves the pig jowls at Lambert’s. He says they cook them perfectly with a crispiness that cannot be reproduced at home.  Once he asked them how they did it. “We deep fry it,” was the answer.  So if you want to try it at home, get out your deep fryer and drop in a slice of bacon. Great. It all but ruined it for Don.

Another Sikeston tradition is a little hamburger joint downtown called “Kirby’s.”  Kirby burgers have been a mainstay for hungry people since 1907.  About 10 years ago, Don Newton bought the restaurant from Sharon Kirby.  He may not be a Kirby, but he says the burgers are as good today as ever.  He spotted my California license plates before we even walked in the front door.  It only took a few minutes of conversation before he and Larry connected with stories of mutual friends.

Burgers do taste good here in the heartland.  My friend Tina was a butcher in Italy and she says a good burger needs good meat, and grass-fed meat is the best.  Larry, who has a PhD in burger tasting, says you need a seasoned grill.  Whatever it takes, Kirby’s has the secret.

As for me, NOT ONE MORE BITE...at least until after my nap.